Faceoff

Stupid Criminals | What's wrong with a piggyback ride?

FELDY: If you've followed Faceoff at all, you know how much Phersy and I love our stupid criminals. And this one is pretty, well, stupid. And funny. And, unlike a lot of our stupid criminals, this one actually has a sports angle to it.

As you'll see when you link to the article, Sherwin Shayegan doesn't look like such a bad dude <sarcasm is on>. He sure looks like a 27-year-old who just likes to hang out and watch some Oregon high school basketball.

Here is a link to the full article.

The problem is, Sherwin also likes to enter locker rooms, ask for autographs and pictures. That's just the beginning of the creepiness. See, Sherwin is fond of asking teenage basketball players not only to sign his program and take a quick snapshot. Nope, not enough for Sherwin. He also enjoys asking players for piggyback rides.

That's right, Sherwin is a piggybackaholic, apparently.

Sherwin's actions have promted the Oregon State Activities Association to send a memo to all schools in Oregon warning them about Sherwin. They've also filed a trespass letter that prevents Sherwin from attending any OSAA-run tournaments.

So far, the story says, Sherwin has only approached male athletes and hasn't "made any overtly sexual moves."

The worst part of all of this is now Phersy's going to have to quit asking the Ice Hawks players for piggyback rides to his car after games.

Jr. Hockey: NAHL comes to its senses on Albert Lea owner

FELDY: Barry Soskin seemed shady from the time he announced he was bringing a North American Hockey League team to Albert Lea before last season. He swooped in from Chicago and gave a rah-rah press conference (anyone remember the Rochester Fire basketball team, it of all of one "exhibition" game?) about his new club. Then he and his coaches went out and recruited pretty much no local players to be part of the team. (Memo to Barry: If your team is gonna stink, you might as well put kids on it who people know and support).

Soskin had issues with previous teams he owned, too.

Barry's grand plan to make money in Albert Lea (and, we're assuming, split town with some "profits") has crumbled.

The NAHL Board of Governors on Monday voted to terminate Albert Lea's membership in the league. The NAHL issued a brief, somehwat vague statement: "The North American Hockey League's Board of Governors (Monday) voted to terminate the Albert Lea membership. The league is now involved in addressing a number of transition issues regarding the future operations of the team. The league will work to stabilize the team as quickly as possible."

Thunder director of marketing Paul Contreras told the Albert Lea Tribune that, while Soskin has been removed as the team's owner, the team will play out this season in Albert Lea and the league will operate the team. 

Head coach Chuck Linkenheld took over as the Thunder's GM on Dec. 1 when Soskin was suspended by the league. Linkenheld can make roster moves, with approval from the league.

The whole investigation into Soskin's issues started when a father of a former player blew the whistle on a pay-to-play operation the Thunder organized, in which the club took more than $12,000 from the families of each of eight players. Pay-to-play (in other words, pay $12,500 and your kid is guaranteed to make the team) agreements are not allowed by the NAHL.

So, see, Rochester Fire fans (if there ever were any of you), our city is not the only one that goes through stuff like this. 

Guys like Soskin make it extremely difficult for legitimate owners to pave a path in cities like Albert Lea. I know the Rochester Ice Hawks had a terrible time getting sponsors to come aboard in Rochester because of all the troubles that team owners have had in the past with not paying bills, making false promises, etc., but the Ice Hawks have proved their commitment to the community and the community is responding to them nicely.

Stories like the one in Albert Lea, and people like Soskin, should make us appreciate what we have here, two top-quality developmental organizations in the Honkers and Ice Hawks.

Another stupid criminal

FELDY: No, this has nothing to do with Jeff Reed or the idiot Gophers hockey fan who was a lot tougher off the ice than his team was on it.

We haven't had a stupid criminal story on here for a while, though. This one is actually more humorous than stupid, but we don't have a "humorous criminals" category on our blog.

This story pretty much speaks for itself, and if this guy would be willing to modify my La-Z-Boy, I'd probably take it for a spin around the block.

Now that I think about it, I wouldn't be surprised if this guy turns out to be a Sconnie.

This guy could be coaching your kids

FELDY: This dude isn't really a criminal, but I'm posting this under the "Stupid Criminals" category because maybe, just maybe he should be locked up.

I'm not even sure where to begin or end with this, so I'll just say:

READ THIS LINK!

Just 30 days?

PHERSY: Well Feldy, we talk about stupid criminals on here quite often. And we also like to point out when criminals aren't ordered to serve enough time for their crimes. Well, I think the judge got this one wrong. Remember the story about that father who shot and killed his son while hunting in Sibley County? A refresher: Anthony Klaseus went out turkey hunting with his 8-year-old son in April. Klaseus told authorities he thought his son was a turkey, and he shot him to death. It was later discovered that Klaseus had alcohol and marijuana in his system at the time of the shooting.

This week, Klaseus was ordered to serve just 30 days in jail for his crime. That's right ... he went out and drank, smoked marijuana, then took his son hunting and shot him to death ... and he's going to jail for 30 DAYS!!!!

Now, some will argue he's suffered enough. He has to live with the fact that he killed his own son. But remember, you're also talking about a man who had his son with him while he was under the influence of alcohol and marijuana. That's sick to begin with. Even if the shooting hadn't occurred, shouldn't he be put in jail for more than 30 days for having his son with him in a vehicle while he was under the influence??? To me, that crime right there would have sent him to jail for months, if not longer. (Here's the Strib link, by the way).

Now, if this was just an accident, without drugs and alcohol involved, then I'd say 30 days is more than enough. In that case, this man would have suffered enough. But that's not what happened.

He drank, smoked marijuana, took his son hunting, and then shot his son. That deserves 30 days in jail? Come on!!!

A stupid criminal???

PHERSY: Ahhh, well, if you missed the Post-Bulletin today, then you missed this story.

When you finish reading it (and stop laughing), think about this for a minute ... so apparently, if you get caught doing THAT in public once, you just get a ticket, like parking in no-parking zone. If you get caught doing THAT twice, you finally get arrested.

Seriously, you have to be kidding me! Why in the world was that guy out on the street (literally), able to do that again in the same night? Dude has seriously problems, obviously, and who knows what he'll do next. I hope we don't have to find out.

All that said, where does this guy rank among stupid criminals?

Vandalism 101

PHERSY: From the insanely stupid criminal department, some young whippersnappers vandalized Northern Hills Golf Course over the weekend.

Here's a link to the Post-Bulletin story.

Now, here's the funny/sad part about the story. These fools decided to burn (with chemicals) a giant swastika into one of the greens at Northern Hills; picture available with the story. But they didn't even do it correctly ... as a reader points out on the Web site. So, these people are dumb enough to vandalize a golf course with racial graffiti, and they can't even do it correctly! Seriously, if there was a hall of fame for dumbness, these folks would be elected on the first ballot.

My gut tells me, since they didn't even know how to make a swastika, that this wasn't really racially motivated. It was more than likely just a couple of the dumbest people in Rochester, looking for a way to kill some time.

Bad idea to punch your lawyer?

PHERSY: So the name of this post says it all. Some psycho from Chisholm, Minn., decided he didn't like his lawyer, a lawyer who was defending him in an assault case. So, dumb criminal asks the judge for a new lawyer. Judge says no, and dumb criminal decides to attack his lawyer. After a recess, dumb criminal grabs his lawyer in a headlock and punches him until guards can stop him.

I'm really just speechless. People are stupid. And by people, I mean this guy ... here's the link to the Pioneer Press story.

Now here's my favorite part of this story. After dumb criminal beats his lawyer, the lawyer obviously says he doesn't want to defend this guy any longer. Judge says that's cool, and dumb criminal asks for a new lawyer. Judge says no way, you've given up that right by beating up your last lawyer.

The court of appeals hands down this ruling, which made me laugh because this is directly from the story:

"The Minnesota Court of Appeals on Tuesday agreed with Florey's decision, writing in a published opinion that a defendant gives up his right to a court-appointed lawyer when he beats up the one he has."

I'm still LOL. Man, what's the world coming to?

Stupid criminals: Only a Sconnie would be this stupid

FELDY: Two stupid Sconnies, A bb gun, a $1 bill, a case of beer and an 8-year-old girl. This can't be going i a good direction, right?

A brilliant 28-year-old Sheboygan woman is facing up to three years in prison on felony child abuse charges after shooting her 8-year-old daughter in the leg with a bb gun to win a $1 bet with her boyfriend. Not surprisingly, they were close to polishing off a case of beer when the bet was made. And, as any proud Sconnie would, the woman didn't want to be embarrassed, so she fired the bb gun into her daughter's leg, then told her daughter not to say anything because it was a "family thing."

Well, hopefully she can tell her daughter that sitting in prison is a "family thing," too.

The incident was discovered when a guidance counselor or teacher saw a bruise on the girl's leg and reported it to police. As if the story wasn't bizarre enough, the mother told police that her daughter was lying to get her in trouble. That lie should get her another year in the lockup if there's any justice.

But, it's Sconnie, so the lady will probably just get a slap on the wrist and a 12-pack for the drive home.

More stupid criminals ...

FELDY: So Phersy has been feeling under the weather. This should cheer him up, because there's not much he loves more than a stupid criminal.

Oh, this is a reporter's dream, and I'm so jealous of the P-B's Janice Gregorson, who was able to use the following words in the same sentence: "hatchet," "cows," "lariat," "strangle," "brawl," and "barn."

Good fiction writers couldn't make this stuff up.

Last week, a woman from Dover, smacked her brother-in-law in the back of the head four times with the blunt end of a hatchet because she didn't like how he was treating his cows. She "just lost control and couldn't take it anymore," according to the complaint. She then tried to strangle him with a lariat, so naturally he turned around and punched her in the face, which you can see in the photo attached to the story (link to the story is at the end of this post).

The story doesn't say exactly what the dude was doing to the cows, but let's hope he wasn't getting too friendly while he was milking them.

Anyhow, here's the link to the story if you want some good reading.